Tuesday, March 8, 2011

My.Promise.Is - I.Will.Hurt.You

After having a very short conversation with a friend about someone I know, I have realized how blind I have become certain people in my life. How much I have become a masochist towards their unrelenting, bad behavior.
I hold onto those friendships, despite knowing that it's only one way, in hopes that they'll change or something will change. Or even I just pretend like it doesn't matter (what they are doing) and I don't speak up so they won't walk away.

Someone once told me that if you were afraid of something happening - then you needed that to happen in order to live through it and learn from it. Though to be careful not to abuse the power and believe that it's your duty to do that to someone who has never done bad by you or deserved it from you.

So as much as I wish I could say that I hoped they would be the ones to walk away over this past little while - I have grown up and had my eyes opened.
I've taken steps back to ensure that my friendships don't become too overbearing and I live a life of solitude for it sometimes.
But I suppose it's better to distance yourself from poisonous people and situations before allowing them to infect you even more than they already have.


As easy as it would be for most to just sever the tie that is before you, it's not so easy for me. As I remember more about the good than of the bad - more about who they are deep down vs. who they have turned into. And it's true - I do have a blind spot for certain people and I wish it wasn't so.
My blind spot does not mean that I don't see what they are doing - but rather I pretend that I haven't. Which is just as unhealthy for me as it is for them.

After clearly stepping away from my old life and regrouping my feelings and thoughts - I have come to realize that I was just used up, spit out and trampled over by all the people who dared to sully the name of "Friendship" with me.

I had always hoped that someone would realize how hard I've worked for this and how much I needed the support of my friends while I was doing this - but no one was there for me.
I've realized that all "friendships" I thought I held at one point became obsolete because I was no longer partying.

And as of now - that works for me.
I am content on fighting for what I hope to have in life and accomplish things that will make ME feel good about me again.

And if they are not on board, it's clear that they are not worthy of my time and that a parting of ways is definitely necessary.

1 comment:

  1. Best fuckin blog. Straight truth cutting through to the point of the matter. Poison has no power when it is not present. If distancing yourself from it helps you, then never second guess yourself.