Monday, February 14, 2011


Have you ever felt so overwhelmed by emotions that have no name? The emotions that crash around inside your head like a tsunami - allowing you to lose all control you thought you had? It's extremely hard for me to place the feelings that do that to me. There is absolutely no explanation as to why this happens. How there comes to be such an intense pressure build up behind my eyes that they begin to leak or I begin to shake - is beyond me. The negativity takes over and I struggle for control.

If one was to ask me why I feel that way, I couldn't tell them. It's something that I battle with constantly and know that I've been doing extremely well. When situations like this arise though, I feel as all progression has been wiped clean off the slate - like I have to start all over again. Once I have been able to calm down though, everything feels like it's back in the proper order.

I want to make these transitions much smoother and infrequent for myself and for everyone who has to deal with them. Just happens to be one of those things that I want to generate for myself. In these situations - I feel disconnected from myself and from others. Feeling as if I have no chance at gaining hold.
The feeling of disconnection from oneself is definitely an experience within itself. Though I wouldn't say it's something that I would enjoy happening on a regular basis. It teaches me things about myself, yes. But it's not enjoyable and I wish to rid myself of these situations.

I'm also hoping that with my new found depletion of nicotine and sugary foods - I'll be able to help control these things.
One step at a time - I am recognizing the root of issues within myself and making a step forward.